To save my sanity, I am trying to figure out if there is actually a routine or schedule that the twins seem to follow so life can become a bit more predictable.  I learned with Lucy that schedules are not really important, its more of the pattern or routine the kid naturally follows.  Plus, no matter what you do to change the pattern, it won’t so you might as well go with it!  For example, after a nap, Lucy usually gets tired again 2 hrs. later.  Now that Lucy is almost 1 1/2 yrs. old, her day is very , very predictable.  Plus she’s always been easy to get to sleep and has needed a lot of sleep altogether.  Zoey and Stella are a different story.  I’ve been taking notes on what they do all day and when for two days now and I’m not sure there’s a pattern.

So, Stella seems to sleep more than Zoey and can sleep more soundly than Zoey.  Stella sleeps for longer and can pretty much sleep anywhere.  This all started with the issue that Zoey has a hard time falling asleep anywhere but the mechanical swing we have.  So, I am trying to “train” her to nap in her crib during the day because lets face it, she won’t fit into that swing when she’s 1 and what do we do when we travel?  Lug that swing with us?  So, anyway, they share a room and Stella sleeps fine in her crib, but Zoey has a really hard time in there.  When they are both in there and she wakes up, Stella eventually does too.  Also, Zoey seems to wake up screaming every 20 min. or so.  At this moment, I have Lucy in her room, Zoey in her crib and Stella in a portable crib in our room.  Zoey is currently crying!  Plus they seem to be on different schedules for when they want to play and sleep.  I still feed them at the same times though.  By the way, they go down fine for bed and sleep for about 6-7 hrs. straight (yay!).  So, here are my questions:

What does a typical schedule for 3-4 month olds look like (I can’t remember!)?

How much sleep do they need?

How do I get Zoey used to her crib for napping in the daytime?  (I am currently trying a combo of crying it out and going in and rocking her back to sleep, but don’t want to start any bad habits!)

If Zoey goes down fine and sleeps for 1/2 hr. and then wakes up screaming, do I let her cry it out to try and get her to learn how to get herself back to sleep or do I try to help her?

Will they ever get used to each other and be able to share a room?!

On our way to the polls with all our ladies on the night of the Election!  The little old lady poll workers loved our entourage.  I’m holding Stella, JD has Zoey.  Didn’t realize how sorta dorky we look being political nerds!

In all seriousness, it felt so special to cast my vote in the public high school that my kids will go to someday and my Dad would have gone to if his family had stayed in Buffalo, especially being a teacher.  I hope that next time we take this walk with all our girls, when Lucy has just begun Kindergarten in 4 short years, a lot has changed for the better in our educational system.  I won’t open that can of worms at this hour of night.  BUT- I hope a lot has changed (for the better) with the war, the economy, the student loan system, health care, women’s health and birth issues, early childhood education, social security, veteran services, equal rights for same sex couples, issues of poverty, americorps programs and on and on and on and on……. Hoping for positive growth all around!

Detail of right sidelight

We finally took the plunge and took a look under the plywood panels above and to the side of our front door this weekend (with a very helpful hand from Missy’s dad). We weren’t very optimistic prior to the treasure hunt, since we figured who in their right mind would cover up sidelights and a transom with painted plywood. Thankfully we were wrong!

Underneath the plywood panels was a great condition transom (the part above the door) and two leaded-glass sidelights — the right one in very good condition and the left sidelight (facing to the street) needing some minor repairs. That must have been the reason for the plywood, since it looks like a baseball went through it and destroyed two of the panels. Looks to be easy to fix, however… so you have to wonder why the previous owners did not fix the panels. It could have added a couple thousand to the asking price, easily, as they look to be in pretty great condition and original - so like 80 years old.

Anyway, it made our weekend. Now we have to tempt fate again and see if the previous owner told the truth when they said the hardwoods under our carpets are in great condition. (Yeah, I know, don’t ask… we’ve found enough weird things in this house to not question anything any longer!)

Larger right sidelight

Transom above door

So, how to deal?  Most of the time I laugh and sometimes, I admit, on rare occasions I go into the basement (when Lucy is sleeping) and curse to the high heavens for about 30 seconds!  That seems to do it and then I think I probably should be conserving energy…  So, other parents, friends, family, others- how do you deal with the days when it seems Murphy’s Law is stacking up against you?  Trouble for me is that one side of my family are actually Murphys…

NOTE: My Mom’s side of the family (Murphy) doesn’t actually have disproportionate bad luck- I just thought it was a funny pun to make…

- Dr. Pedro Noguera, paraphrased from his Keynote Address, Our Promise for the Future: Meeting the Challenge, at the Governer’s Summit on Student Engagement and Dropout Prevention at Nazareth College, Rochester, Oct. 10. 2008.  Dr. Noguera is a Professor at Steinhardt School of Education at New York University, Executive Director of the Metropolitan Center for Urban Education Co-Director of the Institute for the Study of Globalization and Education in Metropolitan Settings.

Today, in all my free time (HA!) I watched the (NYS) Governer’s Summit on Student Engagement and Dropout Prevention on my local PBS channel here in Buffalo.  What an intellectual feast for this weary mind!  I LOVE PBS!  I happened upon it by accident because PBS is the only channel I let Lucy watch shows on if the TV is on during the day.  I watched the entire thing (3 hrs.) while nursing, chasing kids around and doing endless puzzles and reading with Lucy.  I even took the baby monitor into the bathroom with me while I took a shower and left the TV on while the twins were napping so I could hear the program!

Since I became a parent, I am hungrier than ever to see complete change in the giant bungled system that is public education in this country.  As a teacher I say that with more love than most would know.  The fact that my kids are going to be headed off to school in a few short years has upped the ante for me I guess.  I LOVE teaching, school, kids, science, etc. but there are some serious things we ALL need to tackle.  It was nice to see that public officials are finally realizing that education must be taken on by everyone inside and outside schools and that we are all stakeholders even if we don’t have kids in the system or are teachers.  How kids fare in the system affects our entire country on many levels and we are all responsible- not just those of us in the school every day.  As we move forward, schools must include more access to outside resources and support for kids, parents and families such as health care, mental health care, child care, public resources, etc.  Schools are going to have to be the seamless link between families and their needs.  What a huge opportunity as well as challenge.  It has to be a “village” approach.  It was timely that Jason and I were just talking about this the day before over dinner….

The main message of the summit was to have NYS focus on these 5 promises from the America’s Promise Alliance (turning out to be a very interesting organization).  I was very, very happy that service to others was a priority-this is kind of my soap box.  I am curious how this will materialize and to what emphasis this will trickle down.  By the way, Geoffrey Canada, CEO and President of Harlem Children’s ZONE, featured in the NPR program, This American Life, Jason posted about earlier is one of the Board of Directors.

Just about every word of what Dr. Noguera said in his address hit home with me.  I came away from his speech in particular feeling energized.  He had so many great examples of the ways schools are failing our kids that we teachers see every single day!  I was like YES! YES!  He was also very supportive of teachers and effective practices with a very down to earth, no nonsense tone.  At one point he said, “Here’s a new initiative: Start doing more of what is working and less of what’s not!”   He was very pro listen to the kids and teachers and create an inspiring place where kids want to learn relevant things in the ways they learn best.  The part that was broadcast finished up with a panel of students from across the state that had had their own school struggles to not drop out and voiced their opinions on what would make schools better.  Such a big reminder that we need to listen to our kids first!  It was so refreshing! With all this talk sounding great, I am hoping, hoping, hoping this gains some real ground.

And If I wasn’t extremely tired I would take the time to add some of the apalling statistics regarding drop out rates in NYS and nationwide they reported at the summit (which I’m sure your friend Google can help you with) but my mind is starting to go places no minds have gone before!  I know my limits….

Plus, we are trying to think of cheap homemade matching/go together halloween costume ideas for the twins.. any suggestions there?  I stress cheap or homemade!

From the This American Life site:

Paul Tough reports on the Harlem Children’s Zone, and its CEO and president, Geoffrey Canada. Among the project’s many facets is Baby College, an 8-week program where young parents and parents-to-be learn how to help their children get the education they need to be successful. Tough’s just-published book about Geoffrey Canada and the Harlem’s Children Zone is called Whatever It Takes.

The biggest takeaways from the study they mention:

• Kids in ‘professional’ families hear 20 million more words than kids living in poverty during their first three years.
• The kids in the professional group hear 500,000 words of encouragement during this time and 80,000 words of discouragement. The poverty group was pretty much the opposite: 80,000 words of encouragement and 200,000 words of discouragement.
• The role of language in the first three years is more important than race, parent’s education, and economic factors in how kids develop and gain skills to be successful in the future. And those skills get increasingly more difficult to obtain as kids get older. So much so that job training classes (usually thought of as the way out of welfare for adults) has very little impact, if they don’t have the skills normally gained during their youth.

Really underscores the importance of reading and talking to your kids. And gives us hope that the cycle of poverty can be broken for many kids in the future. A lot of focus has been on pulling the parents out of poverty, but in reality it’s much simpler: it’s all about language.

1. Bottle warmer. We never got one of these with Lucy, but with two crying babies at once, time is definitely an issue.  Ours goes from cold to hot in about 1 min. or less and we got it at Target.

2. Large Nursing Pillow. This really only applies to if you are nursing them.  I had the little boppy pillow you find everywhere with Lucy and it was okay, but obviously designed to fit a woman about 12 inches around comfortably (not exactly me).  I still use it occasionally for one baby at a time, but seriously, the larger twin nursing pillows are so much more comfortable.  I have this one, but there are some others out there that have a foam top that is tilted in toward mom’s body, which I think would be good when they are as rolly polly as my babies!  Mine comes with a bonus lower back support pillow which is mostly used as a toddler sized pillow for Lucy and it has a belt that hooks the pillow onto you around your back.  I like this feature since it eliminates the pillow sliding around as you move babies around and they inevitably wiggle.  It also makes a funny costume when you parade around the house with the pillow hooked on your waist like a giant tu-tu!

NOTE: The little boppy pillows are GREAT for holding babies in a slightly upright comfortable position.  They like to see around a little and Stella often naps in the one I have.  She snuggles right into it.  I like them for this so much I am shopping around for another one maybe used.

3. Baby sling/carrier. Let me make this absolutely clear: DO NOT get a baby bjorn.  There are tons of better options!  I know its a safe “dude” style carrier, but seriously, ours cut the circulation off in Lucy’s legs so bad we never made it more than 1/2 a block away without having to carry her.  Also, with legs and arms dangling out of that thing it was impossible to keep her extremities warm on a cool fall day.  By the way, your baby has to be at least 8 lbs. to go in this carrier and if you have tiny babies like us, that could mean months.

My personal favorite is the Moby Wrap.  Its essentially a long, stretchy fabric that can wrap in many ways around your body and you slide the baby (or babies- yup! carried twins in it!) into the folds.  The baby stays super secure, you are hands free, its so comfortable and self adjusted, fits any body type, travels well and washes up great.  It can also double as a blanket in an emergency.  This saved us when Lucy had reflux for the first 3 months of life since she spent a lot time strapped onto me in it.  I have the Moby wrap D with a woven non-stretchy panel so that you can carry a child up to 35 lbs. on your back in a backpack fashion.  The only negative about this wrap, which only came about recently with the hectic life we have is that it takes a bit to put on and get situated.  When there is lots of crying babies this can be frustrating.

My friend also gave me a non-adjustable shoulder sling style wrap from New Native that I am loving since it takes 2 seconds to put on.  I am slowly being sold on the shoulder sling style lately because of this.  My friend also has a peanut shell wrap that works well, but if you have a larger baby, these kind can get snug fast since they don’t get bigger.  They come in certain sizes based on how big/tall the mom is.  I have a size small that fits great, but looks

4. Pack and Play/Portacrib/Bassinet. Living in a two story house is just not practical with twins and a 1 yr. old.  When you have to keep everyone together for safety and convenience and you only have two arms, a “station” for diapering, changing and sleeping is a must on each floor.  Upstairs we have 3 cribs and plenty of clothes, diapers, etc.  Downstairs, our huge family room was converted into a playroom and sleeping quarters for the baby.  The Graco pack and play we got with Lucy (and barely used until now) was a godsend.  We have the essentials stacked up around the crib, like diapers, wipes, vitamins, extra pacifiers, etc.  I also have a small bin with extra clothes, burp cloths, blankets for all the kids to eliminate running upstairs if I don’t need to during the day.  I also have my two baby slings and some extra small toys for entertainment in case there is a crying emergency.  I can change one baby and let another sleep in the pack and play.

5. LARGE swaddle blankets.  Okay, seriously, we have small babies.  AND most of the baby blankets (aka receiving blankets) out there are not big enough to get a good swaddle around them- even at 1 month old!  We use Lucy’s old receiving blankets for wrapping her baby dolls up!  For those of you that don’t know, swaddling is a way of wrapping a young baby up with arms and legs in that simulates the womb and I don’t care what anyone says, it helps to calm them more than anything else!  I would not settle for anything smaller than about 40″ x 30″ unless our kids are freakishly more wiggly than most- which I doubt they are.  Its very hard to find these, but Amazon.com has some and Old Navy sometimes has them too.  Better yet- make them!  Thanks to Marge we have a bunch she made the twins that get a lot of use.  Also, they sell these things called swaddle blankets with velcro (think baby straight jacket).  We tried these with Lucy and the velcro was so loud when we tried to readjust that it would wake her up every time.  Who designed those?

6. Rechargable batteries and charger- Most of the big toys, swings, etc. that the kids have require batteries and no where we’ve lived but Seattle actually recycled them and believe me, I am a recycling maniac.  We were going through 4 D batteries a week with the swing Zoey loves.  We got a bunch of AAA, AA, C and D batteries and a charger that charges them all on Amazon.  Best part- these batteries come already charged and ready to better the environment!

7. Digital Video Camera- When we had Lucy we invested in a good quality but very usable digital camera for still images but has video too.  After we found out we were expecting twins, we got the very portable (fits in your pocket and is the size of a cell phone) Flip video camera.  Its so easy to use that Lucy can tape herself!  These days go so fast and they will never be back.  We also took a few minutes of video of Lucy on each of her “month” birthdays.  Jason has been editing these together into a movie of her first year of life from infant to curious toddler.  What is more priceless than that?

8. Quality durable washer and dryer.  Oh my oh my the laundry mountains you have with 3 kids!  It pays to have a good washer and dryer that won’t quit on you.  We invested in a good, LG front loading washer that conserves energy and water when we bought our house.  Research told us to put the money there since dryers aren’t as different in the energy conserving department.  We got a standard quality Kenmore dryer.  I can’t say enough about the washer- it practically runs itself and since its a front loader, it gets good ratings for toddler entertainment when Lucy is “helping” me with the laundry during the day!

9. Versatile comfortable double stroller. The best sanity saver for me is a walk almost every day.  This entails a rugged, no quit, easy riding stroller.  Nothing cumbersome, hard to work or figure out.  I have to fit two in the stroller while one is in the baby sling on me!  The best stroller we got was the Baby Trend double jogger.  Its canvas, open style with fully reclining seats on both sides, a tray for drinks, etc. and baskets underneath for supplies.  Best thing was that my parents picked it up at a local thrift store for free!  It folds up in the middle and has bike tires so its easy as pie to push on grass, or if you live where we do- the sidewalks with all the tree roots.  The only downfall is that it can be too wide to fit through some doorways since the kids sit side by side.

We also have a Graco DuoGlider double stroller where the kids sit in front of one another.  This stroller is more cheaply made and only one seat reclines all the way to accommodate small babies.  However, both our infant car seats snap into it with little modification and there are shades to almost completely cover both babies.  There is a large basket underneath, but you can’t get to it easily with the back seat reclined.  Its relatively easy to fold up, but the thing is LONG!  Its a bit over the top looking and we affectionately call it the “limo”.

Now we just have to find a triple stroller….

10. Baby swing- With a fussy baby, this is a must!  We have the Fisher Price Nature’s Touch swing that swings front and back and side to side with a mobile/mirror and songs/sounds.  It sells for about $100 new but I got ours on craigslist for under $40.  It is AWESOME!

Honorable mentions:

Permanant marker to label everything from dishes to clothes.  With twins certain things have to be separate, like pacifiers so we label like mad with Z’s and S’s.

Cheap cloth diapers make awesome burp cloths.  The pads sold as burp cloths or “spit rags” are not nearly as big as you’d like them and they go through them like crazy!  We found that cheap cloth diapers do the trick are cheap and versatile.  They can double as light blankets on a sunny day, bibs you tie on, shade for a baby’s head, etc.  With twins, I think we have about 50 of them and I believe they are sold in packages of 10 or so at Target.

Play gym for infant with things that hang, sound, etc. can be a good diversion or at least a place to put a baby down while changing another and keep them busy.  We got the baby einstein one at a consignment sale for less than $20.

Dry bag for wet and dirty clothes, blankets, towels, etc.  We got a huge dry bag (keeps wet inside and is waterproof) when we used reusable AIO (all in one) diapers last year with Lucy.  I keep it by the pack and play station in our family room and just shovel dirty stuff in there for a couple of days, dump it all in the washer with the bag for some freshening up.  It will also double as a great wet bathing suit bag when they are older!

Crib Aquarium/Mobile is a must for soothing a tired baby to sleep.  The only thing is that Lucy learned how to turn the aquarium on and off when she got older so we had to take out the batteries or we’d wake up to twinkle, twinkle all night long in the baby monitor!  A friend also has a remote control mobile over her son’s crib which I would love to try out.

This is by no means a complete list, but its what was essential for us.  We are not the kind of parents that rush out and buy everything, thats for sure and we try to be smart about our purchases.  We shop craigslist and consignment sales all the time and always wait until we REALLY need something.

I really don’t mind the attention we garner out in public with our girls.  Afterall, they are so cute, although I am biased and I certainly understand the fascination with twins.  I come from a family with twins, so I get that and I actually don’t mind at all when people notice or ask, “Are they twins?”.  I would be lying though if I didn’t acknowledge that it gets a little old, but seriously I don’t mind confirming the obvious!

I really don’t even mind the twin related misunderstandings, such as the belief that in order to be twins, they must look alike.  I like talking about my babies and I like talking science (its kind of a can of worms).  And, with Lucy, I got over the inevitable “what a beautiful boy(s)” comment.  They could be dressed head to toe in pink outfits with “GIRL” written all over and just because they aren’t cutesy smiling 24/7 with flowing curls in pig tails they apparently look like boys.  I get it.  No big deal.  However, it is fascinating how its mostly old men that do this!  I am even getting used to the fact that it now takes us twice as long to do what we need to do in most public places because we get stopped often with comments or questions while our baby parade is out and about.  Gone are the days where you can run in and out of the grocery store!  However, this really starts to get to me when someone stops me to inquire while my babies are obviously having a meltdown.  I have learned to sometimes just keep walking unfortunately.  All of this is sometimes annoying but I usually let it go because hey, gotta pick your battles right?  I mostly find people funny.

However, I have one small request I would like to get off my chest!  (Here is the venting part)  I have really tired of the negative comments towards our family situation (3 under 2) or having twins.  Maybe its the fact that I get out of the house maybe once a week and my time is precious and I want to enjoy myself and my family somewhere outside of these four walls.  I really wish that people in stores or wherever we go would stick to the positives when inquiring about our twins and/or family situation with our girls.  I just get way too many negative comments regarding the twins or the fact that we have 3 small girls under 2.

When I was pregnant and obviously huge (especially with me being so small in the first place) people assumed I was having twins.  So, first of all when they would mention my obvious hugeness I would try to laugh it off (as happy as any woman is to be having a baby, late in pregnancy is not the time to mention this!) and be postive.  But then came the comments like, “how are you gonna do it?”, “You’ll be busy!” or “Poor you” (I got this one a lot!!!).  Being incredibly anxious about what lay ahead, these things started to get me worked up often and actually made me depressed at times.  I mean, it just wasn’t one comment when I went to the  mall at this point, it was like multiple times in every store.  Now I think I must have really been huge!  Its hard to tell when you are not looking at yourself all the time I guess.  Still I started to resent these comments for casting a negative glow over this incredible miracle that are twins.  Plus I felt like, hey, unless you’ve been pregnant with twins and a baby just about to turn 1 (aka have actually walked in these same exact shoes), you have no idea lady!  Its totally different than just one- believe me- I’ve done the research!

Anyway, now we are 3 months out from the twins’ birth.  The comments are in general more frequent, but these negative comments still keep rolling our way!  My mom was with me one day at the mall and geez, I was bombarded with one negative after another!  Seriously, do you need to tell me I must be busy?  I think I know.  I love the people that say, “Your gonna be busy” as if I haven’t been for 3 months now!  That doesn’t even make sense!  Then there is the “I feel so bad for you” or “Double trouble” or “You must never sleep” (in that case, the truth hurts!).  I don’t know why people feel bad for me when they look at my 3 cute kids.  What’s to feel bad for- I feel lucky!   Sure, its tough, but its the deal and you just go with it.  Anyone would do the same.  They are cute, tiny human beings after all that also have feelings!

Plus, nothing gets me worse than not acknowledging their older sister, Lucy.  I can’t imagine what it must be like to be watching these new babies who unseated you on your thrown in the middle of your parents’ life to get all the smiles, gifts and attention.  I try hard to point out what a big deal it is that they have a cute and wonderful older sister in Lucy.

Then there is the prying negative comments- the worst of all.  These are along the lines of “Wow, they are so small, are they ok?” or “They look so fragile- what shape were they in when they were born?”  or “How do you even feed them?” or the more “technical” questions about feeding from complete strangers.  Do you really want to know about that?  And please, if you have the most incredible halitosis would you mind not leaning over my infant and looking at them about 2 inches from their face?  They also have highly sensitive noses, which they wouldn’t even need to smell your breath wegmans lady!

Okay, so I am making myself laugh about all of this and usually can, but when the nights are long and the days are long and your working on literally no sleep, I could do without the negative comments and especially those negative intrusive comments.  Many nights are spent thinking of sarcastic comebacks that I am usually too polite to use, but I warn are getting very close to the surface.  Do people not know that its not wise to mess with a new mom of twins after 3 mos. of sleep deprivation?? 

I couldn’t end this without mentioning the people that are little rays of sunshine in our days when we are out and about.  These are the people every once in a while that tell us how beautiful and lucky we are and generally offer supportive and positive things about the situation.  This also always includes all our family and friends.  The coolest is when we meet adult twins or other parents of twins.  I make sure to always ask advice of what not to do as a parent of twins- they usually have some!  These kinds of “soul food” seem to get us by on some really exhausting and long days.  Thanks to these people!

So, I guess the moral of the story is to keep it positive people and if you don’t want to go there, don’t ask!  I don’t want our family and friends to think I mind any questions and concerns from them- this post really only applies to the complete strangers we run into out and about.  And, like everything, I usually don’t take this stuff to heart and laugh about it later.  Just an FYI.. think before you ask!  Ok, the negatives are cleansed- thanks for listening to my rant!