Note: This is more of a post geared toward other parents… but read on if you’re interested!
To save my sanity, I am trying to figure out if there is actually a routine or schedule that the twins seem to follow so life can become a bit more predictable. I learned with Lucy that schedules are not really important, its more of the pattern or routine the kid naturally follows. Plus, no matter what you do to change the pattern, it won’t so you might as well go with it! For example, after a nap, Lucy usually gets tired again 2 hrs. later. Now that Lucy is almost 1 1/2 yrs. old, her day is very , very predictable. Plus she’s always been easy to get to sleep and has needed a lot of sleep altogether. Zoey and Stella are a different story. I’ve been taking notes on what they do all day and when for two days now and I’m not sure there’s a pattern.
So, Stella seems to sleep more than Zoey and can sleep more soundly than Zoey. Stella sleeps for longer and can pretty much sleep anywhere. This all started with the issue that Zoey has a hard time falling asleep anywhere but the mechanical swing we have. So, I am trying to “train” her to nap in her crib during the day because lets face it, she won’t fit into that swing when she’s 1 and what do we do when we travel? Lug that swing with us? So, anyway, they share a room and Stella sleeps fine in her crib, but Zoey has a really hard time in there. When they are both in there and she wakes up, Stella eventually does too. Also, Zoey seems to wake up screaming every 20 min. or so. At this moment, I have Lucy in her room, Zoey in her crib and Stella in a portable crib in our room. Zoey is currently crying! Plus they seem to be on different schedules for when they want to play and sleep. I still feed them at the same times though. By the way, they go down fine for bed and sleep for about 6-7 hrs. straight (yay!). So, here are my questions:
What does a typical schedule for 3-4 month olds look like (I can’t remember!)?
How much sleep do they need?
How do I get Zoey used to her crib for napping in the daytime? (I am currently trying a combo of crying it out and going in and rocking her back to sleep, but don’t want to start any bad habits!)
If Zoey goes down fine and sleeps for 1/2 hr. and then wakes up screaming, do I let her cry it out to try and get her to learn how to get herself back to sleep or do I try to help her?
Will they ever get used to each other and be able to share a room?!
Yes, they will share a room!
Let me know if you want my napping/sleeping advice for twins! It all works out, it just takes some time.
Hi I would love your sleeping schedule/nap routine for your twins! I have 3 month b/g twins who currently I nap separately..I would love to get them napping in the same room..but my boy tends to make a lot of noise in his sleep and will eventually wake his sister. Do i just put them together and deal with them getting less sleep until they get used to each other, do i buy a white noise machine? Also when they wake early from a nap do i just let them cry it out until they go back to sleep? Currently my babes go down awake for naps with very little fussing, but if wake early from burp or the other babe have a very difficult time getting back to sleep.. Any advice would be great!
Thanks.
Melisa will be able to fill in more, but I’d definitely recommend a white noise machine. We used it for our older daughter and the twins and I think it helps a lot.
OK. I will try to remember back to 3 months! I literally have very few memories before Christmas last year, when the twins were 6 months! Hang on.. this is bound to be long winded!
First of all, I think a white noise machine works well. Also, they WILL get used to each other. It may take some time and will probably be frustrating, but it will happen. Ours are 8 months now and they sleep through each others crying very good. Only when it gets very very very loud does the other one stir. I have noticed that sometimes once both get into the room together for a nap they seem to settle down easier now. When there is just one in there, I think they might sense the other one isn’t there. At least this works better for Zoey mostly if Stella is there. I hope that gives you hope!
We co-slept them in the same crib/play pen for naps and bedtime until they were around 3 months old. Then they started to kick and grab each other which wasn’t benefiting anyone.
We split them up and it was no problem. They never really had a hard time with bedtime (I count my lucky stars!)… it was the naps that were painful!
Zoey had a hard time going down for naps in the beginning so I put her in a separate pack n play in the other room for her to fall asleep separate from Stella. Sometimes I did it the other way around and let her go to sleep in her own crib and separated Stella. I had to do the crying it out thing with Zoey and naps at the beginning. I think at 3 months you could let them cry it out between 5-35 min. (our Ped. told us). It eventually worked and she is an awesome napper now. However, it was hard on me physically and emotionally. It was just me here with both twins and my older daughter and I took a billion trips up and down our stairs (a sturdy laundry basket with a firm pillow in the bottom makes a great two baby caddy if yours are small enough). I even had to turn off the baby monitor sometimes because she was so loud. It would make me so upset and tired at the same time, but I got through it. It was up and down for about a month (I wasn’t always consistent) and then she started doing great on her own. I have heard good things about the Ferberizing method and I also think some of the good napping thing is about trying to do the right thing for long enough and when they are old enough, they finally get it. Another good book to try is “The Sleep Easy Solution” (I think that’s the title).
At 3 months I think I remember they had 3-5 naps a day at about 1hr. each (or shorter). I felt like I was constantly on a treadmill at that point of waking up and putting down for naps. Now, at 8 months they have about 2 naps a day (at 9 and 1:30) for about 1-3 hrs. Somewhere between 6-9 months they fall into the longer 2 nap routine- morning and afternoon. If your twins are your first babies, try to be patient because around 6 months you will notice all of the sudden the crying and fussiness subsides a bit and routines start to create themselves.
Another good piece of advice is to let the babies create their own nap schedule together. Forcing them into a preconceived nap schedule that you set is difficult and often makes it harder on them (and you). In some cases, you may only notice a tired, wake, hungry “pattern”- follow that. I used to laugh so hard when strangers asked me what their nap schedule was- not only did I think that question was one of the most boring you could ask, but HELLO- there are two! To me the most important thing was to keep them together on this pattern/schedule/routine. I was militant about feeding them especially at the same time. This helped set the rest of the routine so they would be together on it.
One quick note on a bedtime routine- MAKE IT SHORT! I see this advice to do a routine like this: bath, lotion, book, bottle, cuddling, songs, bed. Ours is: bottle, PJs, maybe a book and then bed. Literally when I mean bed, I mean take said child, give them a brief kiss and smile and then out the door with you! The longer you make it the more opportunity you give them when they are toddlers to wiggle out of going to bed at each turn. A routine is a routine. It doesn’t need to be long, just loving and firm. We are lucky now because they are all down around 7pm with the same routine. No rocking, no songs, no messing around! They know whats going to happen and respond. I also do baths during the day now (which helps them nap better actually after the bath). If you find a good bedtime routine it might help to duplicate it before naps. One more thing- if your kids are sensitive to the daylight- try black out shades too.
I have heard over and over from other moms of twins and multiples that the napping thing is the hardest possible hurdle to tackle the first year and I think they might be right. You are fighting a hard one, but I firmly believe its important to let them learn to fall to sleep on their own, even if it seems like its not working- stick with it. Besides, consider it good practice in self restraint for all the other things you’ll let them learn to do on their own too right?
They need to fight their own battles in life (with your guidance), even when so little and us parents need to learn for ourselves that in order to create that space for them to grow, we need to take ourselves out of it sometimes. Remember it WILL happen and 6 months is coming just around the corner!
Don’t hesitate to ask if you have more questions (I am not a professional, but can give you our take on things). There is no right way, just what ends up working and this is more true of multiples. Also, make sure you come back to visit us here and tell me all about how it worked out!
One more thing (isn’t there always)…. contact your local mothers of twins club for advice. It can be invaluable!