I debated whether to post about this because I hate to spread the negative vibes. This is going to come off like venting, but hey that needs to happen sometimes too! Some of you parents with no twins will definitely be able to relate to this stuff too.. don’t tell me you don’t!
I really don’t mind the attention we garner out in public with our girls. Afterall, they are so cute, although I am biased and I certainly understand the fascination with twins. I come from a family with twins, so I get that and I actually don’t mind at all when people notice or ask, “Are they twins?”. I would be lying though if I didn’t acknowledge that it gets a little old, but seriously I don’t mind confirming the obvious!
I really don’t even mind the twin related misunderstandings, such as the belief that in order to be twins, they must look alike. I like talking about my babies and I like talking science (its kind of a can of worms). And, with Lucy, I got over the inevitable “what a beautiful boy(s)” comment. They could be dressed head to toe in pink outfits with “GIRL” written all over and just because they aren’t cutesy smiling 24/7 with flowing curls in pig tails they apparently look like boys. I get it. No big deal. However, it is fascinating how its mostly old men that do this! I am even getting used to the fact that it now takes us twice as long to do what we need to do in most public places because we get stopped often with comments or questions while our baby parade is out and about. Gone are the days where you can run in and out of the grocery store! However, this really starts to get to me when someone stops me to inquire while my babies are obviously having a meltdown. I have learned to sometimes just keep walking unfortunately. All of this is sometimes annoying but I usually let it go because hey, gotta pick your battles right? I mostly find people funny.
However, I have one small request I would like to get off my chest! (Here is the venting part) I have really tired of the negative comments towards our family situation (3 under 2) or having twins. Maybe its the fact that I get out of the house maybe once a week and my time is precious and I want to enjoy myself and my family somewhere outside of these four walls. I really wish that people in stores or wherever we go would stick to the positives when inquiring about our twins and/or family situation with our girls. I just get way too many negative comments regarding the twins or the fact that we have 3 small girls under 2.
When I was pregnant and obviously huge (especially with me being so small in the first place) people assumed I was having twins. So, first of all when they would mention my obvious hugeness I would try to laugh it off (as happy as any woman is to be having a baby, late in pregnancy is not the time to mention this!) and be postive. But then came the comments like, “how are you gonna do it?”, “You’ll be busy!” or “Poor you” (I got this one a lot!!!). Being incredibly anxious about what lay ahead, these things started to get me worked up often and actually made me depressed at times. I mean, it just wasn’t one comment when I went to the mall at this point, it was like multiple times in every store. Now I think I must have really been huge! Its hard to tell when you are not looking at yourself all the time I guess. Still I started to resent these comments for casting a negative glow over this incredible miracle that are twins. Plus I felt like, hey, unless you’ve been pregnant with twins and a baby just about to turn 1 (aka have actually walked in these same exact shoes), you have no idea lady! Its totally different than just one- believe me- I’ve done the research!
Anyway, now we are 3 months out from the twins’ birth. The comments are in general more frequent, but these negative comments still keep rolling our way! My mom was with me one day at the mall and geez, I was bombarded with one negative after another! Seriously, do you need to tell me I must be busy? I think I know. I love the people that say, “Your gonna be busy” as if I haven’t been for 3 months now! That doesn’t even make sense! Then there is the “I feel so bad for you” or “Double trouble” or “You must never sleep” (in that case, the truth hurts!). I don’t know why people feel bad for me when they look at my 3 cute kids. What’s to feel bad for- I feel lucky! Sure, its tough, but its the deal and you just go with it. Anyone would do the same. They are cute, tiny human beings after all that also have feelings!
Plus, nothing gets me worse than not acknowledging their older sister, Lucy. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be watching these new babies who unseated you on your thrown in the middle of your parents’ life to get all the smiles, gifts and attention. I try hard to point out what a big deal it is that they have a cute and wonderful older sister in Lucy.
Then there is the prying negative comments- the worst of all. These are along the lines of “Wow, they are so small, are they ok?” or “They look so fragile- what shape were they in when they were born?” or “How do you even feed them?” or the more “technical” questions about feeding from complete strangers. Do you really want to know about that? And please, if you have the most incredible halitosis would you mind not leaning over my infant and looking at them about 2 inches from their face? They also have highly sensitive noses, which they wouldn’t even need to smell your breath wegmans lady!
Okay, so I am making myself laugh about all of this and usually can, but when the nights are long and the days are long and your working on literally no sleep, I could do without the negative comments and especially those negative intrusive comments. Many nights are spent thinking of sarcastic comebacks that I am usually too polite to use, but I warn are getting very close to the surface. Do people not know that its not wise to mess with a new mom of twins after 3 mos. of sleep deprivation?? 
I couldn’t end this without mentioning the people that are little rays of sunshine in our days when we are out and about. These are the people every once in a while that tell us how beautiful and lucky we are and generally offer supportive and positive things about the situation. This also always includes all our family and friends. The coolest is when we meet adult twins or other parents of twins. I make sure to always ask advice of what not to do as a parent of twins- they usually have some! These kinds of “soul food” seem to get us by on some really exhausting and long days. Thanks to these people!
So, I guess the moral of the story is to keep it positive people and if you don’t want to go there, don’t ask! I don’t want our family and friends to think I mind any questions and concerns from them- this post really only applies to the complete strangers we run into out and about. And, like everything, I usually don’t take this stuff to heart and laugh about it later. Just an FYI.. think before you ask! Ok, the negatives are cleansed- thanks for listening to my rant!
I can definitely appreciate your rant! When my twin boys were born, my daughter was not yet 3 years old. Everyone had something to say! Mostly, “I feel sorry for you” and “how will you do it”. The funny thing is, my husband and I were pretty confident that we could handle our new babies just fine. I mean, we already had some experience with one baby right? Yes, it was a bit more challenging and unique situation….but as a parent, you just do what needs to be done. Raising twins will always require some “special” care, but it’s not the worst thing that could happen! Thanks for a great post!!
I feel for ya. We had twin boys in June (@ 33 weeks) and I will agree with you 100% on your rant. Nothing bugs me more than having everyone coo over the twins and then no one thinks to acknowledge my precious 3 1/2 yr. old “baby” boy who tries so hard to be polite and says ” A-scuse me!” to these strangers because he would like to say hi and he gets completely ignored. Do you know how many times I’ve had to tear someone a new one because they were down right rude to our oldest? More importantly, our twins are fraternal and we get the obligatory, “They sure don’t look like twins!” comment all the time because one is chunky and one is skinny. My favorite though has to be from some idiot lady at Target who asked me if they were “special” since they were born so early and what kind of things are they never going to be able to do. For crying out loud! Cripes, you’ve inspired me to do my own rant, because I could go on and on about the comments I got while pregnant, etc. Thank you for your post, I’m glad someone else out there is having to deal with stupidity, too.
P.S. And Lucy does NOT look like a boy. Sometimes, I just want to smack people!