This was the answer Jason gave me late last night when I commented that I didn’t know how he seemed to stay afloat among all of this running back and forth to the hospital to see the babies, taking care of Lucy, taking care of me, the house and going to work every day until the babies come home.  All I could do was laugh!

This weekend has got me thinking about “highs and lows”.  My great friends from the U of R Warner School (where I got my Masters in Science Education and still seem to not be able to tear myself away from) will be familiar with this if you ever spent any time in class with April (Dr. Luehmann)!  I used to love starting class hearing about everyone’s personal and professional highs and lows lately, realizing they are so intimately attached.  This reflection on how things are going has always stuck with me (kinda like Warner!) and I find myself often thinking this way, reevaluating moments, taking stock of experiences and just simply how things are going.  Its an awesome way to critically evaluate work, personal stuff, etc. and learn from your own experiences- highly recommend it!  The highs and lows from this weekend make me think about what our metaphorical “swimmies” just might be lately…

Rather than detail an update on our weekend, I’ll just highlight the “lows” so we can end on a high note!  Now that I write this I can look back on it with a sense of humor that was not at all visible last night!  The puke hit the fan- literally.  Lucy started throwing up about 2am last night and didn’t stop until about 7am-about 8 times.  We would change her and 1/2 hr. later here we go again.  Not sure what caused it and it seemed to disappear after this morning.  Poor kiddo.  We had her in the tub at 3am, which was so funny because she thought it was great and rather than peel her beloved bear blankie from her covered in thrown up strawberries and milk and cause her great emotional turmoil (if you know her well, you know the “special” relationship her bear blankie and her have), we just put him in the tub too.  It was so funny seeing this blankie floating around with her and she thought it was great (this was a surprising high actually!).  Might as well clean him too!  Then JD started in with it too- thank god not as bad, but he was also in rough shape!  I was praying that I wouldn’t be next.  Throwing up with stitches 8 inches across my abdomen and inside my belly didn’t sound like a good time!  Still thanking god that it didn’t get me as of yet.  The night/morning ended with me sleeping on the living room floor in a makeshift sleeping bag comforter thingy, JD on the couch and Lucy next to me on the portacrib mattress surrounded by waterproof bed pads and towels in anticipation of the next episode.  The rest of the day we laid low and tried to sleep a lot.  The bonus for us was that Lucy was really snuggly and we got some close family time we haven’t had in a while.  Eventhough I still have trouble physically caring for Lucy as I continue to heal, it was nice to not have to rush anywhere today.  So, in a way there was a silver lining.  As I write this, we are all much healthier but still tired.

Which leads me to the hardest part for me today.  Since most of us were sick last night, we decided not to go to the hospital today to visit the babies.  For one, we were dead tired and also I didn’t want to risk bringing anything into the intensive care unit from the outside and getting them sick.  They need all the calories they can get to stablize themselves, grow and eat well in order to come home.  When I called to tell the nurse we wouldn’t be in today I got the dissapointing news that Zoey had to go back in the incubator again last night.  This is the third time around and I am hoping that soon she’ll gain enough energy to keep her body temperature stable and not need to be in the incubator.  Zoey seems to eat well and is gaining weight, her challenge is just to keep her own body temperature stable and up.  The Dr. was saying that we could expect the babies home early this week, but now its looking like mid to late week.  Needless to say, we’ve had a lot of tears the last week and half, and again today, but we are trying to remember that they are not “sick”- just little- and we have to be thankful for that and that they will be home soon.

Ok- highs!  The major high for me this weekend was going to the hospital Saturday with family to have them visit and hold the babies.  We brought Lucy to play in the NICU family room with one of us while the rest of us went in to see the babies.  This was nice because I got to see her a lot also.  I even got to spend some alone time with her “chasing” her down the hospital hallway since I am feeling a bit better now.  It was so nice to share the babies with the rest of our family and makes the time we spend alone with them so far away from our home so much better.  Sitting in the NICU, especially at night, in the dark and quiet pod they are in there is sometimes “too” quiet and feels so isolated from real life and the relationships that usually start to develop when a baby is born and comes home.  Having our family come with us made it feel more real and also more happy.  Another big high is that Stella is now eating well and lots!  She no longer has her feeding tube (no more “Wilford Brimley white tape mustache to hold the tube in place!) and is doing it all on her own.  She has also been out of the incubator and in an open crib for some time now.  Now, she just needs to gain weight.  Also, both babies are nursing so well that I am hoping that transition at home will be easier.  Even the nurses are surprised at how good they are at it!  Whoo hooo!

From delivery, my red blood cell count was low since I lost a lot of blood and I have been anemic since.  So, I’ve been walking around a little ghostly and tired partly due to this- even the nurses keep mentioning it to me, which tells me I look not so great!  This is starting to subside, the belly is starting to shrink miraculously and the pain has really, really dulled.  I could not be more thankful for this, which allowed me to really enjoy these high moments this weekend!

The last surprising high was how funny Lucy was in between episodes of being sick last night and recovering today.  She was quickly back to her old self!  Its amazing how resilient they are and happy to just be in this world doing their “baby work” and appreciating the everday stuff.  We should all take some lessons from that!

So our metaphorical “swimmies” have to be the “highs” of life that bouy us up- Lucy, being with family, laughing and having a sense of humor and being thankful for what is going great while trying to have perspective on the “lows”.  Send us good vibes that tonight is full of sleep and dreams and this week is full of good news and homecomings!