Birth story and coming home

Its amazing how fast life can change forever.  The last 5 days since the babies were born have certainly been a roller coaster for all of us.  I can already tell this will be a long post and probably a little personal and maybe sad at points since our experiences are so vivid, fresh and will definitely be life-changing for both of us.  Jason has been running back and forth between home, work and me at the hospital.  Lucy was not home since Thursday night and we got to visit with her briefly on Saturday.  I was running back and forth between my room at the hospital and the NICU all day to feed the babies as much as possible, trying to rest and deal with the pain that comes with a natural and c-section delivery.  Jason’s family has generously taken on Lucy for us 24/7- she’s a pretty active little lady so I know it was draining!  It has been hard on everyone, but today things have changed.

I was finally able to come home last night.  It wasn’t decided until late in the day Tuesday that I would go home since I have had a fever off and on since Stella and Zoey were born.  Anyway, I will tell the whole story, but I don’t know how much each of you heard about the delivery, but it was a little rough and some parts of it sad.  I went into a very early, subtle labor Thursday afternoon and we headed to the hospital Thursday night.  I was in little pain but felt a ton of downward pressure in my belly.  This continued through the night regularly and the doctors at the hospital kept checking my progress and it seemed like I was going from 3 cm dialated to 7 cm overnight (you must dialate to 10 cm to be ready to have the baby), so we were feeling good.  It was still wierd that I wasn’t in that much pain and I still didn’t need any pain meds, but hey I wasn’t about to complain!  Maybe this would be a comfortable delivery?!

My doctor came in early Friday and checked me herself because she said that she often had a difference of opinion than the resident doctor that had been in charge of me through the night.  Come to find out I was only 4 cm!!!!  Needless to say were were very dissapointed and frustrated.  However, after that things picked up and my Dr. was able to break my water and give me an epidural to move things along, which they did!  About 3pm on Friday we moved in the operating room, which is standard for a twin delivery.  How strange it was to be in a sterile room with tons of people around ready to deliver my baby like it was rehearsed!!  Jason could barely stand by my head because things were moving so fast and Zoey was ready to be born with just a few pushes!  After Zoey was born and I had a brief glimpse at her and heard her crying like crazy so I could relax.  I also saw my belly and it completely flattened out!  Crazy, but Stella was still in there.

Then, things started to get scary fast.  My Dr. tried to find Stella with the ultrasound to make sure she was still head down and ready to go.  I was told it took around 2 min. to find her and her heart rate was not looking great.  She started to come out with her arm first and over her head.  The Dr. tried to turn her and get her to move her arm to no avail.  Then things started to close up around her giving her no way out.  The decision was made to go into an emergency c-section to get Stella out ASAP and they threw a surgery prep drape over me, laid me down and started to work.  They didn’t have time to even put up a curtain for JD to sit beside me and just laid the drape right over my head and gave me oxygen.  JD floated into the corner, just watching.  It was so surreal.  The anesthesiologist upped my epidural, but before I knew it they were cutting and pulling in my belly to get to her.  I couldn’t feel pain, but I could feel everything- them grasping and pulling for her all the way up to my lungs and stomach.  I have never been so scared in my life.  Things were moving so fast and I started to absolutely freak out and I mean freak out.  I was looking around and couldn’t find JD and then I heard my Dr. yell at the anesthesiologist to get me something and I watched him put something in my hand IV and I don’t remember anything else.

The next thing I remember was waking up in the operating room and people calling my name.  I was freezing and had the shakes really bad, which is typical of moms after they give birth.  They piled up warm blankets on me and kept telling me to relax, which was really hard and pretty impossible to do when you have no idea where you are or what just happened!  I was told that the babies are both fine, I’d been out for about 20 min. and I had to have an emergency c-section.  The babies had already been brought up the NICU.  I hadn’t even seen Stella and only seen Zoey for about 2 seconds when she came out.  Then they told me they had taken an xray of my body to make sure with the switch over in medical instruments between the two deliveries they hadn’t accidentally left anything inside!  Nothing like that to make you feel more comfortable!  Geez!  AND I still couldn’t find JD.  Then he was there and they were rolling me into another room.  Its all very hazy.  Then I remember waking up in another room fully and being really numb.  Slowly the epidural wore off in the recovery room and I started to get pain medication (Delaudid?) that just put me into another fog.  I was finally able to drink water (first time since Thursday!!!) and have some soda.  It was the most wonderful thing I could have asked for!  JD was with me and we were both kind of stunned, but glad it was all over.  I got word that my parents were on the way too.  Shortly after about 7:30pm my parents showed up and we went up the NICU and I got to see the babies for the first time.  I was so out of it though I don’t even remember if was sitting up or laying down or how we got up there, etc.  It was so weird.  I had no idea how much they weighed, which baby was which or when they were born.

However, both babies were great!  Both had great oxygen levels and despite Stella struggling to come out, she was just fine.  Neither had any respiratory issues at all so we were so thankful.  Now, they just needed to learn to eat on their own, gain weight and maintain their body temperatures solo.  We were actually very lucky, especially with Stella.  I was so thankful they made the decision fast to just get her out.

Anyway, that night was extremely painful and I woke about every 15 minutes because the meds made me drowsy but very itchy.  Just as I’d doze off, I’d wake up itching.  I was also so out of it that people would be talking to me, even about the babies and I would just fall asleep.  I was also so weird being on a maternity recovery floor seeing people’s babies be wheeled past my room and hearing moms next door with their babies.  Mine seemed so far away up in the NICU and I couldn’t just see them in an instant, when I wanted to.  My friends with kids and I sometimes talk about how lonely parts of the first year of motherhood (and I am sure fatherhood) can be.  You think you are the only ones in the world dealing with the things that go along with being a new parent.  Ironically, someone next door is dealing with the same things.  Something about it is so lonely at times- its hard to explain.  These times, especially at night in the hospital started to remind me of this.  It just is what it is and everyone goes through it.

The next day all of our families came and brought Lucy too.  I was foggy like this all day.  Lucy was kind of freaked out and didn’t really want to be near me, which broke my heart.  I totally understand her perspective and don’t blame her but it was hard to take!  The next day I asked to be put on other pain meds and by mid-Sunday I was starting to come out of the fog and sleepiness.  They put me on other meds and that is when the pain started to really set in because I’d been so out of it.  Every part of my body from my chest to my hips was aching in pain and I was so sore I couldn’t even walk on my own or lay on my side.  I still cannot believe the amount of pain that comes with a c-section and women afterward rarely talk about it!  Or they seem to do so well!

Monday was ok, but kind of hard for both of us since JD had to go to work and everyone was done visiting.  I was on my own and I spent the day seeing the babies in the NICU as much as possible, just like the other days.  I actually started to feel better today, but like I said earlier, my on and off fever continued, which made me feel like hell again during parts of the day.   The Dr. was worried the fever might be related to infection because of the quick switch over between delieveries, which can carry a high risk of infection.  Also, I had lost a lot of blood, so they were waiting on my levels to come up on that too.  Tuesday was extremely rough because I knew I was leaving and felt horrible most of the day pain wise.  JD came from work early to help me get through it and it was finally decided around dinner time that I would go home last night because insurance wouldn’t pay for an extra day because my fever was .2 degrees too low to qualify.  That sounds ridiculous but I was actually ready to get home and see Lucy Wednesday, while feeling guilty about leaving my babies at the hospital.  We ate dinner, fed them one more time in the evening and then headed for home.  We finally rolled into bed after 11pm.

Today, my first day home was VERY hard.  I was in a lot of pain for one thing.  Everything seemed to hurt!  Damn, when is it going away?  Or at least ease up!?  When I had Lucy naturally, I was up and running like 3 days later!  Since I had both a natural and c-section delivery, it is hitting me double!  So so tough!  Anyway, I felt warm again this afternoon, but again it subsided.  Weird.

We ran over to the hospital so I could feed them once today in the morning.  It was so good to see them but we were both so tired.  They didn’t eat really that great, but just cudding was the best therapy for today.  We headed home and met JD’s aunt and uncle there with Lucy.  This was great!!!  She was strolling down our sidewalk in the stroller when we pulled into our driveway and she literally tried to climb out and take off the belt to get to us!  It was so wonderful and she was so obviously happy to see us.  However, even though it was already lunch time, the rest of the day was exhausting!  She is a human tornado and JD had to do everything with her all day and try to clean up the house, go grocery shopping and mow the lawn!  Thankfully, Marge dropped off some dinner for us and our family packed us up some meals too.  THANKS YOU GUYS for EVERYTHING!

So here we are now.  I just called the nursery at the hospital and Stella and Zoey are doing GREAT!  Stella, who is out of the incubator and regulating her own temperature great, but who is not eating and gaining weight great, ate her last 3 meals in full!  Zoey, who eats like a champ and gaining weight, but cannot regulate her own body temp well and is still in an isolette is now sleeping with the isolette doors open and they will be trying her out like that overnight to see if she can cope.  They are really fighting along well and the Dr. told us today that he guesses they’d be home early next week with us.  However, its all still up to them and if they can move toward steadily feeding well each feeding, gaining weight and regulating their own body temperatures all the time.  I go over tomorrow at lunch to feed and hold them until dinner time when JD comes to see them too.  We are really hoping the next couple of days see as much improvement.  Keep rooting for our little ladies!  Thanks for all your well wishes and sending good vibes- they’re working!  I’ll keep updating as much as I can!